Preventing Bullying in the First Place- Norco, CA

To Prevent Bullying . . .

Intervene when children are young. Children who bully are not born bullies and children who are victimized are not born victims. Many young children engage in aggressive behaviors that may lead to bullying, while others react by submitting to the bullying or even may fight back. Adults can stop these patterns before they are started by encouraging supportive behaviors such as sharing, helping, and problem-solving, and also by putting a stop to aggressive responses such as hostility, hurting, and rejection.

Teach bullying prevention strategies to all  and not just some children. Don’t assume that only “challenging” children become bullies or that only “weak” children become victims. Most children are likely to be victimized by a bully or some type of bullying at some point in their lives. And all children can benefit from learning the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. How they can stand up for themselves, and others; and when to turn to an adult for help is also very important to learn.

Take bullying seriously. Pay close attention to the warning signs. Make sure children know that bullying will not be tolerated and that you and other adults will assist them in make bullying stop.

Encourage empathy. Children who can empathize understand that bullying hurts not just mentally but also physically. They are less likely to bully and more likely to assist children who are bullied.

Teach by example. Be an effective role model. Children learn how to behave by watching and copying the adults in their lives. Consider how you solve problems, how you discipline, how you control your own anger and disappointment, and how you stand up for yourself and others without fighting. If children observe you acting aggressively, they are more likely to show aggression toward others.

Help children understand media violence. Children may learn aggressive behaviors by watching television and movies that make light of violence.  Playing violent video games that reward violent behavior should be avoided. Help children understand that how the media shows violence is often unrealistic and inappropriate. Intervene when you see children imitating media violence in their daily play or in their social interactions with other children.

Create opportunities for children to learn and practice the qualities and skills that can protect them from bullying.  Children who are confident are less likely to put up with bullying of themselves and others, and are more likely to have the courage and inner-strength to respond in a correct and helpful manner. Children who are assertive know how to react in a bullying situation in a successful, non-aggressive way, and they are less likely to be singled out by bullies in the first place. Children who know how to make and keep friends can look to them for protection from bullying. Children that know how to solve problems constructively can often diffuse a situation that can turn aggressive.

Encourage children to talk about what is happening and report bullying. When they do, listen carefully, and be very patient: Talking about bullying can be difficult, and children may feel embarrassed or scared to share their concerns.  A child that feels judged or feels that they are not being listened is less likely to seek help from an adult.

Develop strong connections with the children you are with.  Children are less likely to bully if they know it will disappoint an adult whom they respect and trust. Likewise, children are more likely to share with an adult a bullying situation if they feel that they have a caring and trusting relationship with that adult.

Take a look at your own beliefs about bulling. Your own misconceptions may prevent you from “seeing or understanding” a potential bullying incident and intervening as quickly as you should.

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at

20 Tips for Parents about Bullying- Riverside, CA

Bullying effects so many families, and for many parents this can mean a frustrating and painful time to help their child get through this. Below is just a quick list of things you can do to help your child, remember that what works with one child may not work with another, so here are 20 things to try.
20 Tips for Parents:

1- Encourage your child to report any bullying incidents to you.
2- Validate your child’s feelings. It is normal for your child to feel hurt, sad, and angry.
3- Ask your child how he/she has tried to stop the bullying. Asking questions is a wonderful way to have your child do the thinking.
4- Ask how is he/she going to solve this. We want the child to do the thinking before we jump in. See how many options he can come up with.
5- Coach your child in alternatives. Ideally the best solution is having your child solve this without anyone interfering. Most of the time unfortunately, this isn’t possible. Share these strategies: avoidance is often an excellent strategy, playing in a different place, play a different game, stay near a supervisor, look for new friends, join social activities outside of school.
6- Talk with your child’s teacher. Make sure they are aware of what is going on.
7- Encourage your child to seek help from other school personnel.
8- Volunteer to help supervise activities at school.
9- Do not ignore your child’s reports. Ignoring them sends the wrong message.
10- Do not confront the bully or the bullies’ family.
11- Teach your child how to defend him or herself.
12- Teach self-respect.
13- Give numerous positive comments to your child.
14- Avoid labeling or name-calling.
15- Let your child know it is okay to express their anger. There are positive and negative ways to express anger, we want to teach and model the positive ways.
16- Let your children stand up to you now and then. It makes it more likely they will stand up to a bully.
17- Stress the importance of body language.
18- Teach your child to use ‘I’ statements.
19- Teach positive self-talk
20- Teach how to use humor, ‘out crazy’ them. For example, if the bully says to Keith, “Hey, boy you’re ugly.” Keith can respond in a couple different ways:
“Thanks for sharing”
“Yes, I know, I always have been”
“Yes, today’s lunch was disgusting” then walk away.
There are many other aspects of bullying to look at: Why your child is the victim, why people bully, what you child can do if he/she is bullied, signs your child is being bullied, what the schools should be doing, handling the school bus issues. All of these are addressed in The Shameful Epidemic, How to protect your child from bullies and school violence.

Taken from article by Derek and Gail Randel M.D

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at

Bullying…. What can Adults do?- Riverside, CA

Recommendations and Strategies for Adults

If you don’t get involved, bullies, victims, and bystanders will continue to buy into the power of bullying, rather than the power of prevention. They will continue to let bullying happen.

Why don’t adults step in more often? Sometimes, it’s because we don’t see it happen first hand; we’re not sure what to look for. But often, it’s because we don’t know what to do in the situation or we’re afraid that our involvement will somehow make matters worse.

How you can intervening effectively and recognizing that effective intervention begins long before you a bullying incident occurs, and continues long after you have talked to the children involved.

  • Prevention- offer solid suggestions for helping children differentiate between acceptable and harmful behaviors.  Help them to build the skills needed for effective bullying prevention.
  • Intervention- offer ideas for responding effectively when an incident occurs.  What they can to do and say to stop the bullying from continuing and ensure that the children involved are safe.
  • Follow-up- offer guidance on what to do after the bullying happens. This includes separate support for addressing the needs of the bully, victim, and bystander.
  • Talking with children- offer assistance on their level of understanding on how their words and actions can help in situations of bullying.

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at

Bystanders and Bullying- Corona, CA

Situations of Bullying more than often involve more than just the bully and their victim. They also involve bystanders—people who just watch bullying happen or hear about it.

A new strategy for bullying prevention spotlights the powerful role of the bystander. Depending on how bystanders respond, they can either add to the problem or be part of the solution. Bystanders very rarely play a entirely neutral role, even though they may think they do.

Hurtful Bystanders                          

Some bystanders . . . instigate the bullying by urging the bully to begin.

Other bystanders . . . encourage the bullying by laughing, cheering, or making comments that further stimulate the bully.

And other bystanders . . . join into the bullying once it has begun.

Most bystanders . . . submissively accept bullying by doing nothing and just watching the situation. Quite often without knowing it, these bystanders also add to the problem. Passive bystanders gives the bully the audience and attention bully craves and their silence in watching the situation happen allows bullies to continue their distructive behavior.


Helpful Bystanders     

Bystanders also have the power to play a major role in inhibiting or putting a stop to bullying. 

Some bystanders . . . get involved, by objecting to the bully, standing up for the victim, or changing the situation away from bullying.

Other bystanders . . .  get help, by gathering support from peers to stand up against bullying or immediately reporting the bullying to adults.


Understanding the Effects on The Bystander

Why don’t more bystanders get involved? 

  • They often think, “It’s none of my business.”
  • They worry about getting hurt or becoming another victim.
  • They feel there is nothing they can do to stop the bully.
  • They don’t like the victim or believe the victim “deserves” it.
  • They don’t want to attract attention to themselves.
  • They fear the bully will seek payback on them.
  • They think that telling adults won’t help or it may make things worse.
  • They don’t know what to do or how to do it.

Bystanders who don’t step in or don’t report the bullying often suffer negatively themselves. They may experience:

  • Demands to participate in the bullying also
  • Fear about speaking to anyone about the bullying
  • Powerlessness to stop bullying themselves
  • Feeling that they too may become victimized
  • Fear of being friends with the victim, the bully, or the bully’s pals
  • Blamed for not having stood up for the victim

Helping Children Become Helpful Bystanders
Adults can assist children in becoming helpful bystanders by talking with them about the different ways bystanders can make a difference, and by letting them know that adults will support them, if and when they let an adult know of the situation. Adults can also give examples of how helpful bystanders have shown courage and have made a difference in real-life situations and in their own experiences with bullying.

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at