The Evolution of a Bully | Corona, CA

Bullying is about the abuse of power. Children who bully abuse their power to hurt others, deliberately and repeatedly. They are often hot-tempered, inflexible, overly confident, and don’t like to follow rules. Often they lack empathy and many also like inflicting pain on others. They often seek out to dominate and control others.  They perceive hostile intent where there isn’t one.  Overreact aggressively to ambiguous situations, and hold beliefs that support violence.

In the preschool years, bullies often use direct verbal bullying and physical power to control material objects or territory. They may not have the skills necessary to interact in socially appropriate ways.

In the elementary school years, bullies are more inclined to use threats and physical force.  It is also combined with direct verbal bullying, to make victims do things that they do not want to do. During this time period, some children may begin to use indirect bullying to exclude peers from their social circle and activities.

In the middle and high school years, bullies rely on direct verbal bullying such as name-calling and making threatening remarks.  Quite often this includes physical bullying such as pushing and hitting. Both boys and girls engage in physical bullying.  But unlike boys, girls are more likely to participate in indirect, relational bullying,  that often includes rumor-spreading and social exclusion. Use of the Internet or cell phones to send these hurtful messages takes a lead role. Boys during this time tend to rely on bullying to enhance their physical dominance, girls tend to use it to enhance their social status.

Children also bully in groups. Children may join in because they look up to the bully and want to impress him or her.  Often though it is because they are afraid and do not want to be attacked themselves.

The Effects on The Bully

Besides hurting others, bullies hurt themselves. Each time a bully hurts another child, they become more and more removed emotionally from the suffering and pain of their victims. They begin to justify their actions to themselves by believing their victims deserve to be bullied. They start to believe that the way to get what they want from others is through force. Bullies fail to develop the social skills necessary for sharing, reciprocating, empathizing, and negotiating.  These items form the basis for lasting friendships.

As they mature into adulthood, children who have bullied others often show higher rates of:

  • Aggression
  • Antisocial behavior
  • Carrying weapons to school
  • Dropping out of high school
  • Convictions for crime
  • Difficulty controlling their emotions
  • Traffic violations
  • Convictions for drunk driving
  • Depression
  • Suicides

Some Adults who have been bullied as children may be more likely to allow their own children to bully others, thus raising a new generation of bullies.

If Bullies can change these patterns of behavior before they become habitual and entrenched, will be less likely to suffer with these devastating and long-term effects . when When Bullying prevention strategies are applied early to children who are young or have just begun to bully others it is most effective —the earlier the better. It’s never too late to change a bully’s patterns of behavior.  These habitual patterns are usually much more difficult to change in later years.

Starting in the preschool years, adults can teach children many social skills that are important to bully prevention and help guide children as they practice using these skills. The Social skills that form an important foundation for bullying prevention include:

  • Solving social problems
  • Sharing voluntarily
  • Interacting assertively
  • Showing empathy toward other

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at http://simpleacts.org

Recognizing Bullying Types | Corona, CA

There are four main types of bullying:

Verbal bullying: When a person uses name calling, jokes about or offensive remarks about a persons religion, gender, ethnicity, appearance or socioeconomic status.

Social bullying or Alienation: This is done by spreading fake news or doing wrong propaganda about something, disturbing someones positive activities or fight with friends.  Often pointing out differences in others, excluding others from a group, and spreading rumors.

Physical bullying: In this type the victims body is physically hurt.  This can be any physical contact that hurts a person using physical means such as hitting, kicking, thrown objects or punching.

 Cyber bullying: Spreading rumors or insults using emails, blogs, websites or social networks like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, MySpace, etc.  This more than often includes sending pictures, messages or information using electronic media, computers and cell phones.

 

There are also two other types of bullying that are often forgotten about but are just as harmful.

Indirect Bullying: This is done by excluding others from a group, spreading lies, secrets, rumors or exaggerated stories about someone.

Intimidation Bullying:  These bullies use threats to frighten others.

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at http://simpleacts.org

Bullying by the Numbers | Corona, CA

School bullying statistics in the United States show that about one in four kids in the U.S. are bullied on a regular basis. Between cyber bullying and bullying at school, the school bullying statistics illustrate a huge problem with bullying and the American school system. 

Here are some other statistics to think about:

  1. 56% of students have personally felt some sort of bullying at school. Between 4th and 8th grade in particular, 90% of students are victims of bullying.
  2. The most common reason cited for being harassed is a student’s appearance or body size. 2 out of 5 teens feel that they are bullied because of the way that they look.
  3. 1 in 4 teachers see nothing wrong with bullying and will only intervene 4% percent of the time.
  4. A victim of bullying is twice as likely to take his or her own life compared to someone who is not a victim.
  5. One out of 10 students drop out of school because they are bullied.
  6. Physical bullying peak in middle school and declines in high school. Verbal abuse rates remain constant from elementary to high school.
  7. Researchers feel that bullying should not be treated as part of growing up (with the attitude “kids will be kids”).
  8. 57% of students who experience harassment in school never report the incident to the school. 10% of those who do not report stay quiet because they do not believe that teachers or staff can do anything. As a result, more than a quarter of students feel that school is an unsafe place to be.
  9. Schools with easily understood rules of conduct, smaller class sizes and fair discipline practices report less violence than those without such features.

 These numbers are too high!  Parents, teachers, and those in daily contact with children on school campus’ need to do something to stop it. Children also need to stand together and put an end to bullying. When children see their peers being bullied, the incident needs to be reported or get help. If children band together to address these issues, there will be strength in numbers. By standing together to prevent bullying in every school, the number of bullying incidents can drop along with those incidents of children hurting themselves, and others, because of they fear for their life while attending school.

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at http://simpleacts.org

Sources:  NASP   Make Beats, Not Beat Downs

Bullying by the Numbers | Corona, CA

School bullying statistics in the United States show that about one in four kids in the U.S. are bullied on a regular basis. Between cyber bullying and bullying at school, the school bullying statistics illustrate a huge problem with bullying and the American school system. 

Here are some other statistics to think about:

  1. 56% of students have personally felt some sort of bullying at school. Between 4th and 8th grade in particular, 90% of students are victims of bullying.
  2. The most common reason cited for being harassed is a student’s appearance or body size. 2 out of 5 teens feel that they are bullied because of the way that they look.
  3. 1 in 4 teachers see nothing wrong with bullying and will only intervene 4% percent of the time.
  4. A victim of bullying is twice as likely to take his or her own life compared to someone who is not a victim.
  5. One out of 10 students drop out of school because they are bullied.
  6. Physical bullying peak in middle school and declines in high school. Verbal abuse rates remain constant from elementary to high school.
  7. Researchers feel that bullying should not be treated as part of growing up (with the attitude “kids will be kids”).
  8. 57% of students who experience harassment in school never report the incident to the school. 10% of those who do not report stay quiet because they do not believe that teachers or staff can do anything. As a result, more than a quarter of students feel that school is an unsafe place to be.
  9. Schools with easily understood rules of conduct, smaller class sizes and fair discipline practices report less violence than those without such features.

 These numbers are too high!  Parents, teachers, and those in daily contact with children on school campus’ need to do something to stop it. Children also need to stand together and put an end to bullying. When children see their peers being bullied, the incident needs to be reported or get help. If children band together to address these issues, there will be strength in numbers. By standing together to prevent bullying in every school, the number of bullying incidents can drop along with those incidents of children hurting themselves, and others, because of they fear for their life while attending school.

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at http://simpleacts.org

Sources:  NASP   Make Beats, Not Beat Downs

Preventing Bullying in the First Place- Norco, CA

To Prevent Bullying . . .

Intervene when children are young. Children who bully are not born bullies and children who are victimized are not born victims. Many young children engage in aggressive behaviors that may lead to bullying, while others react by submitting to the bullying or even may fight back. Adults can stop these patterns before they are started by encouraging supportive behaviors such as sharing, helping, and problem-solving, and also by putting a stop to aggressive responses such as hostility, hurting, and rejection.

Teach bullying prevention strategies to all  and not just some children. Don’t assume that only “challenging” children become bullies or that only “weak” children become victims. Most children are likely to be victimized by a bully or some type of bullying at some point in their lives. And all children can benefit from learning the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. How they can stand up for themselves, and others; and when to turn to an adult for help is also very important to learn.

Take bullying seriously. Pay close attention to the warning signs. Make sure children know that bullying will not be tolerated and that you and other adults will assist them in make bullying stop.

Encourage empathy. Children who can empathize understand that bullying hurts not just mentally but also physically. They are less likely to bully and more likely to assist children who are bullied.

Teach by example. Be an effective role model. Children learn how to behave by watching and copying the adults in their lives. Consider how you solve problems, how you discipline, how you control your own anger and disappointment, and how you stand up for yourself and others without fighting. If children observe you acting aggressively, they are more likely to show aggression toward others.

Help children understand media violence. Children may learn aggressive behaviors by watching television and movies that make light of violence.  Playing violent video games that reward violent behavior should be avoided. Help children understand that how the media shows violence is often unrealistic and inappropriate. Intervene when you see children imitating media violence in their daily play or in their social interactions with other children.

Create opportunities for children to learn and practice the qualities and skills that can protect them from bullying.  Children who are confident are less likely to put up with bullying of themselves and others, and are more likely to have the courage and inner-strength to respond in a correct and helpful manner. Children who are assertive know how to react in a bullying situation in a successful, non-aggressive way, and they are less likely to be singled out by bullies in the first place. Children who know how to make and keep friends can look to them for protection from bullying. Children that know how to solve problems constructively can often diffuse a situation that can turn aggressive.

Encourage children to talk about what is happening and report bullying. When they do, listen carefully, and be very patient: Talking about bullying can be difficult, and children may feel embarrassed or scared to share their concerns.  A child that feels judged or feels that they are not being listened is less likely to seek help from an adult.

Develop strong connections with the children you are with.  Children are less likely to bully if they know it will disappoint an adult whom they respect and trust. Likewise, children are more likely to share with an adult a bullying situation if they feel that they have a caring and trusting relationship with that adult.

Take a look at your own beliefs about bulling. Your own misconceptions may prevent you from “seeing or understanding” a potential bullying incident and intervening as quickly as you should.

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at http://simpleacts.org

20 Tips for Parents about Bullying- Riverside, CA

Bullying effects so many families, and for many parents this can mean a frustrating and painful time to help their child get through this. Below is just a quick list of things you can do to help your child, remember that what works with one child may not work with another, so here are 20 things to try.
20 Tips for Parents:

1- Encourage your child to report any bullying incidents to you.
2- Validate your child’s feelings. It is normal for your child to feel hurt, sad, and angry.
3- Ask your child how he/she has tried to stop the bullying. Asking questions is a wonderful way to have your child do the thinking.
4- Ask how is he/she going to solve this. We want the child to do the thinking before we jump in. See how many options he can come up with.
5- Coach your child in alternatives. Ideally the best solution is having your child solve this without anyone interfering. Most of the time unfortunately, this isn’t possible. Share these strategies: avoidance is often an excellent strategy, playing in a different place, play a different game, stay near a supervisor, look for new friends, join social activities outside of school.
6- Talk with your child’s teacher. Make sure they are aware of what is going on.
7- Encourage your child to seek help from other school personnel.
8- Volunteer to help supervise activities at school.
9- Do not ignore your child’s reports. Ignoring them sends the wrong message.
10- Do not confront the bully or the bullies’ family.
11- Teach your child how to defend him or herself.
12- Teach self-respect.
13- Give numerous positive comments to your child.
14- Avoid labeling or name-calling.
15- Let your child know it is okay to express their anger. There are positive and negative ways to express anger, we want to teach and model the positive ways.
16- Let your children stand up to you now and then. It makes it more likely they will stand up to a bully.
17- Stress the importance of body language.
18- Teach your child to use ‘I’ statements.
19- Teach positive self-talk
20- Teach how to use humor, ‘out crazy’ them. For example, if the bully says to Keith, “Hey, boy you’re ugly.” Keith can respond in a couple different ways:
“Thanks for sharing”
“Yes, I know, I always have been”
“Yes, today’s lunch was disgusting” then walk away.
There are many other aspects of bullying to look at: Why your child is the victim, why people bully, what you child can do if he/she is bullied, signs your child is being bullied, what the schools should be doing, handling the school bus issues. All of these are addressed in The Shameful Epidemic, How to protect your child from bullies and school violence.

Taken from article by Derek and Gail Randel M.D

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at http://simpleacts.org

Bullying…. What can Adults do?- Riverside, CA

Recommendations and Strategies for Adults

If you don’t get involved, bullies, victims, and bystanders will continue to buy into the power of bullying, rather than the power of prevention. They will continue to let bullying happen.

Why don’t adults step in more often? Sometimes, it’s because we don’t see it happen first hand; we’re not sure what to look for. But often, it’s because we don’t know what to do in the situation or we’re afraid that our involvement will somehow make matters worse.

How you can intervening effectively and recognizing that effective intervention begins long before you a bullying incident occurs, and continues long after you have talked to the children involved.

  • Prevention- offer solid suggestions for helping children differentiate between acceptable and harmful behaviors.  Help them to build the skills needed for effective bullying prevention.
  • Intervention- offer ideas for responding effectively when an incident occurs.  What they can to do and say to stop the bullying from continuing and ensure that the children involved are safe.
  • Follow-up- offer guidance on what to do after the bullying happens. This includes separate support for addressing the needs of the bully, victim, and bystander.
  • Talking with children- offer assistance on their level of understanding on how their words and actions can help in situations of bullying.

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at http://simpleacts.org

Bystanders and Bullying- Corona, CA

Situations of Bullying more than often involve more than just the bully and their victim. They also involve bystanders—people who just watch bullying happen or hear about it.

A new strategy for bullying prevention spotlights the powerful role of the bystander. Depending on how bystanders respond, they can either add to the problem or be part of the solution. Bystanders very rarely play a entirely neutral role, even though they may think they do.

Hurtful Bystanders                          

Some bystanders . . . instigate the bullying by urging the bully to begin.

Other bystanders . . . encourage the bullying by laughing, cheering, or making comments that further stimulate the bully.

And other bystanders . . . join into the bullying once it has begun.

Most bystanders . . . submissively accept bullying by doing nothing and just watching the situation. Quite often without knowing it, these bystanders also add to the problem. Passive bystanders gives the bully the audience and attention bully craves and their silence in watching the situation happen allows bullies to continue their distructive behavior.

 

Helpful Bystanders     


Bystanders also have the power to play a major role in inhibiting or putting a stop to bullying. 

Some bystanders . . . get involved, by objecting to the bully, standing up for the victim, or changing the situation away from bullying.

Other bystanders . . .  get help, by gathering support from peers to stand up against bullying or immediately reporting the bullying to adults.

 

Understanding the Effects on The Bystander


Why don’t more bystanders get involved? 

  • They often think, “It’s none of my business.”
  • They worry about getting hurt or becoming another victim.
  • They feel there is nothing they can do to stop the bully.
  • They don’t like the victim or believe the victim “deserves” it.
  • They don’t want to attract attention to themselves.
  • They fear the bully will seek payback on them.
  • They think that telling adults won’t help or it may make things worse.
  • They don’t know what to do or how to do it.

Bystanders who don’t step in or don’t report the bullying often suffer negatively themselves. They may experience:

  • Demands to participate in the bullying also
  • Fear about speaking to anyone about the bullying
  • Powerlessness to stop bullying themselves
  • Feeling that they too may become victimized
  • Fear of being friends with the victim, the bully, or the bully’s pals
  • Blamed for not having stood up for the victim

Helping Children Become Helpful Bystanders
Adults can assist children in becoming helpful bystanders by talking with them about the different ways bystanders can make a difference, and by letting them know that adults will support them, if and when they let an adult know of the situation. Adults can also give examples of how helpful bystanders have shown courage and have made a difference in real-life situations and in their own experiences with bullying.

For more information about how you can help call us at 866-459-7225 or visit our website at http://simpleacts.org